A Child I Could Abandon

I wanted a child I could abandon,
a flame I could freeze into a dried leaf...
light I could strip off my skin and run
like a stream of pain in a sea of grief?

I wanted to follow a star I could
forget when my eyes gave in to sleep -
I wanted to spill echoes in a wood,
then drown it into a silence deep.

I wished to write off the cancer of love
a beat at a time or a lazy slip
down the murky alley of thoughts, above
the hell of my purple, shivering lip.

The needle of existence was hollow -
it pursued a soul it could not swallow.